Lately I've been having a difficult time with this whole pregnancy thing.
It's not that I'm not excited to have a baby -- because I am -- but it's more because I'm getting bigger and bigger (which is good, I know) and I can't do anything about it.
I know I'm supposed to gain weight, and I'm definitely in the healthy range, it's just so hard to try on clothes and realize ... oh, they don't fit. At all.
This Sunday was tragic. Seriously. I wasn't feeling too good, but I got up and began trying on clothes for church. Of course, I was trying everything in my closet that I thought [might] fit because I didn't want to wear one of the two dresses that I've worn to work and church for the last ... oh, I don't know ... forever. Of course, nothing worked. I felt like a whale. Well, more like a balloon. Or kangaroo. Or some sort of pregnant giant.
Anyways, I finally found an outfit that worked. I went to my Relief Society meeting and came home for my usual before-church snack. Then it hit me. I was [sick]. Very sick. After all that work, I stayed home in bed all day and slept. How frustrating!
I don't want to sound like a whiner, or like I'm not grateful to be pregnant with the world's sure-to-be-cutest-baby-ever. It's just difficult to see your body change and know that it may never go back to its old self. I look at all the [super] cute pregnant women in my ward and think ... oh, if only I looked like that.
Of course, while I was moping [sick] on the couch, I decided I should watch the RS General Broadcast (that I may or may not have missed due to a home BYU Football game [which was disappointing]).
I received this loving chastisement from President Monson:
Not only are we inclined to judge the actions and words of others, but many of us judge appearances: clothing, hairstyles, size. The list could go on and on.
I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.
There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere.
I realized that comparing myself to others is quite the opposite of charity. Not only that, but while I lack self-confidence and appreciation for my individual worth, I am [incapable] of extending help and providing an example to others.
So I'm working on my "body image." I'm learning to love my body now, after the baby and forever.
Oh honey, you are too cute! And you know all those pregnant women in your ward are looking at YOU saying "I wish I looked like that." It will get better and your body may very well go back to being like it was. You're young and active, so I wouldn't worry too much.
ReplyDeleteLove, Mallory
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ReplyDeleteEWWW!! I know how that feels--it's not a Sunday unless I've changed outfits 3 or 4 times.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you're still getting sick and that being pregnant is hard. I can't empathize right now, but I can listen if you ever want to be sad about stepping on the scale or anything else. Seriously, doctors should weigh you on some sort of magic scale where you can't see the number. And then with your husband standing right there, and you know you weigh more than him (stupid skinny boys), and now he knows it. Well, you're probably not ever going to get there, but I know I did, easy.
(I personally think you are the cutest pregnant lady in the ward, hands down, and I would wear your maternity dresses :D)
Thanks Mallory and Rachelle.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Sundays are definitely the worst, haha! Seriously, our hubbies need to put on sympathy weight. Although, honestly I think Dan would be excited about gaining some extra pounds ... so I guess that eliminates the "sympathy" part!
Sundays are hard because you want to look cute all dressed up and nothing seems to fit... I had a love/hate relationship with my Sunday clothes. Mostly hate... And honestly, I agree with Rachelle, I am so JEALOUS about how cute you are pregnant!! I wish I looked like you when I was pregnant. And I love your outfits so much too. I definitely did not have any of that going for me so I am completely jealous every time I see you. (I especially loved your brown boots with your pink dress the other Sunday. so so so cute!)
ReplyDeleteI am sorry too that you are not feeling well. Pregnancy was really hard on me and I hated it because I would get sick or I was in pain a lot. I loved the fact that I was having a baby but I hated the means I had to go through to get him. But now being on the other side, I can honestly say that although I remember being miserable, I don't remember how it actually felt. I mean, I know I was sick and in pain and all but I don't remember what those actual feelings were like anymore. I truly believe the Lord blesses us that way or else I am pretty sure I would never want to go through it again.
This is turning out long.... but if you ever want to vent/talk/mope I'm there for you!
Thanks Megan. It's funny because I always thought you and Rachelle were like, the cutest pregnant girls EVER!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you were sick and in pain a lot too, but I'm glad you can't remember feeling it -- I'm looking forward to that!